Sam violently snapped the dust away from the book he was holding with the piece of cloth. No matter how thorough he was it seemed like the library always had a space where a good dusting was necessary and he was taking profit of that right now to vent off his anger.
-Sam?
-Hey Cas, what’s up?
-…Are you alright?
Sam was about to give a casual nod but paused a moment and sighed. -No I’m not.
-What happened?
-Nothing Cas, that’s the problem, nothing’s happened.
The seraph obviously didn’t understand what Sam was talking about, he doubted about elaborating with Cas as confident but he was desperate to let go of his pent up frustration. He leaned against the bookcase sighing, unable to lift his gaze in the middle of his frustration.
-You see I -sigh- well, I like Gabriel a lot. And yeah the sex was great and everything but I’d really like to have something more with him and I’m not sure how he feels about me or if he actually feels something for me apart from the obvious sexual attraction.
Sam waited for the angel to say something back while pressing his fingers on his temple in frustration but when the silence became too dense he turned his head towards Castiel. In any other moment he would have laughed at the seraph’s reaction but considering the issue he was discussing he felt rather restless because Castiel looked just as shocked as a deer in front of headlights.
-You are… having sex with Gabriel?
Oh crap, Gabriel and Cas were brothers. How could he actually have forgotten that? Completely embarrassed, Sam immediately went close and held Castiel’s shoulders between his hands.
-Shit Cas I’m so sorry! This is so awkward. Please promise me you’ll forget what I just said.
Castiel fixed his blue eyes in Sam’s, his face a clear mirror of the turmoil inside.
-Please.
All the seraph could do was nod before separating himself from the hunter. He made his way back to his room. Or at least that was the idea. He was stopped by a strong hand in the middle of the bedroom hallway.
-Dude, you alright? -Castiel just turned and tried to fix his sight on Dean. The hunter immediately knew something was definitely not right. -Wow, man, calm down. What the hell happened?
Castiel opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. Even he didn’t understand why he was behaving like that. He felt himself faltering and made a hold on Dean’s shirt, hiding his face on his chest. When Dean felt the seraph’s trembling hands he hugged him hard.
-It’s alright, Cas, I’m here. We’re here.
Dean lead the seraph into his room and made him sit on the bed while he went to fetch some beers from the kitchen as fast as he could, ignoring Gabriel’s inquiry of where was he heading to with a quick ‘Not now’. Once back at the room, he placed one on Castiel’s hand and began to drink his own, reclining over his bookcase.
-So?
-…so?
-What happened?
Castiel just frowned. The more he thought about it the more it bothered him.
-You were right.
Dean just stayed where he was. He knew well how to give Cas his time.
-Gabriel already… -Cas gulped as well as he could with his dry mouth -He and Sam…
Dean tensed up. He knew sooner or later this time would come and he thought he would be ready for it but he was overwhelmed by the feeling of having your guts clenched up tight beneath the skin. He didn’t want to listen anymore but there was something more pressing in front of him. Something he had suspected for years now but never got enough proof about.
-And how do you feel about it?
Castiel turned towards Dean. Deep blue filled with sadness inside.
-…. I should be happy about.
-But you’re not.
-I don’t understand why. I thought that looking at him happy would be enough. But right now I feel like, like…
-Like everything’s falling upon you and you just want to run away?
How Dean managed to put into words his own feelings and thoughts was something Castiel would never understand. The same way that just a gaze between them sometimes became an entire conversation. Still, there was no feelings towards him the way he had for Sam.
Many times after his experience as a human being he wondered about it. Maybe this connection means more, maybe this is what real love was about. But a glance at Sam’s eyes and soul and a grace from his hand over his shoulder sent shivers upon his body that Dean’s fraternal touch, close as it was, never did. Been turned into a human had been the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to him.
-I don’t know Cas, maybe you should fight for it. -Castiel turned his head towards Dean. Obviously asking what was the fight for. -Yeah, fight for Sam. You know the phrase, all is fair in love and war.
-I don’t think I…
Dean took a soft but deep breath to cut off his friend’s rant.
-Look Cas, all I know is that you’ve been in love with Sam for a long ass time and never did a thing about it. And this is your last chance. When Sam makes a choice it’s really hard to make him change his mind so if you really want to fight for him it’s now or never. Yeah and don’t give me that look, it’s pretty obvious to me. So go on and fight for me, sorry, fight for him.
Castiel just glanced at Dean, it was pretty easy to say that when you were not in the pinch he was. Sam would be happy with Gabriel, he was conversational and fun and everything Cas was not. Despite everything that had happened with him before the Apocalypse, Sam didn’t seem to hold a grudge against the archangel anymore so what was the point? It was better to just do the best to bury those feelings away.
After Castiel left, Sam couldn’t help but feel worse about everything. It had been a huge blunder to talk about himself having sex with his brother and it had been obvious it was a very delicate matter to Cas. But why? He had never showed any kind of issue talking about stuff other people would find embarrassing before.
It seemed like everything started going haywire ever since he involved himself with Gabriel.
-You called?
Sam jumped startled. -Dude! Don’t scare me like that!
-Gabriel just sent him a blank stare. -Well, considering how much you’re thinking about me right now I’d be more scared if I hadn’t showed up.
-I wasn’t… Ok I was but it’s not like I was praying for you.
-Still close enough for me to listen… So what now? Ready for another heavenly experience?
-What? No! uh… -Sam let out a dejected sigh. -I mean you’re good at bed.
-Naturally.
-But I’d like to have something more.
-…Meaning?
-Like a relationship.
-Oh.
-Which by your face I assume you don’t.
-Yyyyeah sorry kiddo. I don’t see you that way.
Sam just sighed and nodded. He had known it already but it never felt good to hear it. And then blurted what had been in his mind.
-But you do see Dean that way.
Gabriel choked on
-Huh!? Dear me no! No no no no no no no no! I mean yeah your brother’s hot and all but there’s just no… Nnnnnope. Nope. Not. Nuh uh. Just… no.
Sam just nodded in approval. -Right, ok…
-Yep…
-So… You free right now?
Gabriel turned on his malicious look. -Right here?
Sam sat over the edge of the table, he wasn’t really sure what was moving him at that moment.
-Sure, why not?
Gabriel went towards Sam. It didn’t feel right. The cards had been placed on the table and he didn’t have to worry about Sam getting the wrong impression but still there was something tugging him inside that he was desperately trying to push back.
That something was precisely the reason why he was pressing himself towards Sam’s lips. He didn’t want to feel it. He didn’t want to acknowledge or accept it at all because the moment he did he would be utterly lost.
I was wonder if you can draw it? I bet Sam would totally fall un love with his old style and Dean would laugh because “ duude! Are you wearing a dress????” and Cas probably would feel somehow nostalgic because he used to see Gabriel with that look all the time 🤔 ANYWAY I LOVE YOUR ART, IT GIVES ME LITERALLY AND EXTRA LIFE EVERY TIME I SEE IT❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Part. 2
Two Days Into June 