Dean just raised an eyebrow when he found Sam sulking over his tea later on that evening.
-Not that I’m worrying too much about you but you look like someone just ran over your dog.
Sam turned to Dean, he considered for a second to bitchface him but something else was pressing his mind.
-Dean?
His brother just turned to him and rested the weight of his body on the counter.
-How did you and Gabriel, uh, hook up?
Dean opened up his eyes wide. Was his brother actually asking him, master of one night stands, notes on how to hook up with someone? Dean was never someone to like talking about feelings but even he had to admit that he had been happier these past weeks with Gabriel by his side than on the old days where he banged whoever was available around town and if his little brother needed help so desperately then he could just cut his crap of no chick-flick moments for a while.
-Well, it’s not… something that we talked about to be honest. I mean, not even today we have talked about anything ‘formal’.
Sam turned to look at him curious.
-I mean, you know how I am and Gabriel is… pretty much like me when it comes to that. We’re just happy the way we are now so why jinx it?
-But you do love him, right?
-Well… the sex is pretty good.
The way Dean blushed and rubbed the side of his neck while avoiding Sam’s eyes was a dead giveaway of where his feelings towards the archangel actually stood. Sam straightened himself in awareness. He was sure his brother had more to say about that than what he would admit.
-Anyway I decided I wanted more when Gabriel was about to change me back to straight.
-Why?
-Well, probably because kissing him had felt really good… Not only good, it felt right. And I didn’t want to miss that.
Dean’s averting gaze had finally shifted into an assertiveness the hunter only took out on do or die situations. Sam had to admit to himself his brother had looked pretty cool at that moment. Dean finally went to grab his beer and made a turn for the door but not before addressing Sam one last time.
-So maybe all you need to hook up is to give him a kiss so good that he has to come back for more.
Sam blushed while his brother sent him a wink. That didn’t help him at all. Because just like Gabriel with his brother, it had been Cas the one who had left him wanting more. Feeling defeated, he just dropped his head on the table, ready to mope for a while.
The day Castiel was meant to take his grace away from Sam arrived and passed without notice. Sam had managed to stay far away from him thanks to a hunt he and his brother had taken, leaving Cas and Gabriel to take care of Jack under the pretense that the brothers needed some personal space from everyone else around.
-I think I’m an idiot.
-Well at least you’re finally accepting it.
-Jerk.
-Bitch.
Dean went to sit in front of Sam at the little dining table of the motel room with a sigh.
-You want me to be your wingman with Cas?
Sam immediately blushed. His first reaction leaned on denying everything but Dean was sending him that knowing look he had perfectioned throughout the years that told him to cut the crap. Sam just allowed his gaze to fall somewhere between his and his brother arms resting on the table.
-I don’t… I just… I’m scared Dean. We’ve been friends for so long, what if I ruin it?
Dean just huffed a bit annoyed, a bit amused.
-Dude, you just can’t ruin it with Cas. He loves you too! Seriously how dense can you two actually be? You think after all the pushing we’ve been doing to nudge you guys you would’ve already made a move.
Two days later the brothers went back to the bunker with just a couple of bruises that the angels fixed in a second. After announcing their disappearance into the Dean-cave, Dean and Gabriel dragged Jack with them for an anime marathon, leaving Sam and Cas behind.
-I guess it’s a good time to remove the grace from inside you.
Sam blushed, boldened by his recent chats on the road with his brother he decided to take things a bit more personal and convinced Cas to do it in his room, with the pretense that he wanted to avoid other people watching. Seeing there was only the desk chair, both settled for sitting on the edge of the bed.
With the atmosphere going dense in anticipation, both Cas and Sam suddenly felt like they were doing a mess of themselves. Lifting up their hands to reach each other, suddenly taking them back in fear of trespassing their personal spaces, crashing their arms in the middle of the maneuver and excusing themselves to each other like a pair of teenagers in their first escapade away from their parents. After some more failed attempts, Sam ended laughing and lowering his head in defeat.
-I think we look like a pair of idiots rights now.
Cas snickered and then composed himself.
-I’m sorry Sam, I’ll mend it now.
Sam smirked amused and looked up to ask Cas how he was actually going to mend things when he felt Castiel’s hand firmly holding the one he had resting on the bed by his side and pressing it down with a force Sam easily forgot the angel had. Sam’s thoughts stammered for a second while he turned towards their joined hands when he felt how Castiel firmly held his neck and pulled him towards his lips.
Supernatural, Sastiel, Warnings-None Part 1, Part 2 Find me at AO3
Gabriel was leaning on the chair across him, feet over the table with a smug smile. He hadn’t moved for a while, waiting for the exact moment juuust right before Sam snapped to interrupt him.
-So.
-So? -Regarded Sam, annoyed that he had been beaten to the punch.
-You and Cas.
-What about us?
-There’s something going on between you. – Gabriel moved his eyebrows in a knowing manner.
Sam gruffed incredulously -What?
-Don’t play dumb, I’ve seen the glances you’ve been giving each other these past weeks.
Sam was floored for a second. He never imagined Gabriel to be the kind of guy who caught up subtleties.
-You’re insane.
-No, you’re in love.
Sam couldn’t help but laugh
-Ok now you’re not making any sense at all.
He was about to close the book he had in front of him when the archangel stood up.
-All I’m saying is, if there’s someone I don’t mind banging the bed’s headboard with my little brother, that one is you but for that to happen you’d better take that stick off your ass first, grow a pair and tell him how you feel.
Gabriel disappeared in front of his eyes leaving Sam incapacitated to sass him back, frustrated, he threw a ball of paper to nearest dustbin. Something about the conversation was bothering him thought. Did Gabriel just implied he was giving him his blessing?
Meanwhile, a similar conversation was taking place on the other side of the bunker.
-Dean, I told you already, I’m not “checking up” your brother.
-Alright buddy if you say so. All I’m saying here is, there’s a tv with Netflix at the Dean-cave and you still prefer to get into Sam’s bedsheets, to which he never complaints. So if you don’t want to tell me a thing it’s cool but you should at least consider telling Sam how you feel for real.
The hunter’s smug face was rubbing off on Cas in an annoying manner. The easier thing to do was to tell Dean the truth but he found himself unable to admit he had kissed Sam, leaving some grace on him and that although he was indeed checking him up it was mostly because he wanted to see whether it was having any effect on him. In the end he just rolled his eyes and sighed.
-I’ll think about it later.
Dean beamed his smile at Cas and left him to keep on with the coral reef documentary he had been looking at before the interruption but his thoughts kept steering towards Sam. Giving up to it, he went searching for Sam, who was still lingering at the library.
-Hey Cas, what’s up?
-Nothing, I just wanted to check on you.
Sam chuckled -Why would you need to check on me?
-I just… thought it would be good.
Sam turned around to see if there was no one close enough to hear.
-Is it about the grace you placed in me?
Cas nodded, he sat by Sam’s side and held his face between his hands, trying to peer with as little intrusion as possible into the hunter’s body to see if there was something odd.
-Have you felt any different?
-Nope, everything’s normal I guess.
Well it was to be expected, Cas thought, he assumed he had willed enough intention on turning Sam bisexual on the grace he had placed on him but he wasn’t pining for him like Gabriel had for Dean, maybe that was the reason Sam didn’t look nor act any different. He still remembered how Dean had behaved when that had happened to him, nervous and squirmy, obviously aware something odd had been going on while Sam was just hanging like normal. Maybe they should just put an end to the silly experiment. It was obvious Sam would not actually end up feeling any kind of attraction to men, even less to him, knowing that he was an angel. Dean was an idiot for even trying to convince him of that.
Cas had been staring at Sam long enough for the hunter to feel a bit uncomfortable with the way he was being held by the seraph.
-Uh, Cas?
Cas snapped from his thoughts and took his hands away from him in haste.
-Sorry… I spaced out.
-It’s ok
-I cannot see anything changing in you Sam. Maybe we should just end this experiment, it looks like a waste of time.
Sam didn’t know what to answer the seraph, he had asked Castiel for a kiss in the pretense that he could eventually be turned bisexual, the problem he just realised now was that he already was bisexual so, naturally, there was no way the experiment could have made any difference on him at all. He couldn’t tell Cas he had just wanted to kiss him now, right? What would Cas think of him, taking advantage like that of their friendship? But right now Cas felt like none of it had been worth it. How could he fix the mess he had made? Before he could keep himself worried about that he noticed how close Cas was from him. He intended to kiss him to take his grace back. So that was it? There would be no more kisses after that.
-Wait.
Castiel stopped an inch from his face. Sam pushed him softly away.
-There’s still a week left, maybe we should just wait until the month ends.
Castiel stiffened a little but pushed himself back from the chair to stand up.
-Of course, if that’s what you wish.
Before he could actually step away, Sam held his hand. Castiel turned again towards him, with those piercing blue eyes questioning Sam silently.
-It’s not… It’s not a waste of time Cas. Maybe something can happen.
Castiel only nodded at Sam to give him reason but deep inside he was a bit frustrated. If he was only allowed to have just another kiss then he’d rather have it sooner than later.
Sam’s face shone with glee after Cas accepted his invitation, he immediately placed his hands on the seraph’s shoulders and leaned slowly over Cas ready to kiss him but stopped midway.
-Uhm, Cas? Now’s when you close your eyes.
-Oh, sorry.
Cas obediently followed Sam’s instructions and stood still waiting for Sam’s lips but after a moment of silence and nothing happening he opened them again.
-Sam?
-You know what? Maybe it’s not such a great idea after all.
Their parted lips joined neatly while Castiel invaded Sam’s mouth with his tongue, forcing a drowned moan from the hunter. He slowly expanded his grace unto Sam’s body, searching for his soul. Despite knowing on a basic level what he was supposed to do, his consciousness was assaulted by the way Sam’s soul felt from within his vessel. Bright and powerful, Sam was life incarnated. That moment Cas finally understood what humans meant when they said ‘God is in me’.
It was odd for Cas to see his friend wavering like that, he didn’t understand what was the problem but he didn’t feel like Sam actually wanted to leave the matter aside, more like he was shying away from it. In an impulse, he went to hold Sam’s neck and pulled him the rest of the way.
If Sam could only understand how pure he really was, they would have been able to withstand many trials in a very different way. After touching Sam’s soul with his grace, Cas separated himself from the hunter leaving just a short space between them and a little bit shocked about the fact that even he had to inhale deeply in order to stop the dizziness.
An awkward moment came when none of them moved away. Sam was surprised that his hands had moved over Cas to hold his head and keep him close and tried several times to start a coherent sentence just to say he was sorry for intruding in his friend’s personal space before giving up and just shutting up.
-I placed a bit of my grace in you, just as you wanted.
-Right. Uh… So, what now?
-I believe we should just wait a month or so before retrieving it, like with your brother.
-Ok, ok… cool. A month is good.
-Are you alright?
-What? Yeah, yeah dude. I am.
-Your face is red. Did I upset you in any way?
Sam laughed nervously
-No Cas, you didn’t I… I just didn’t expect you to act so suddenly.
They resumed their strolling towards the town. Sam’s head was still racing at what just had happened. When the memory of Cas nailing Meg against a wall to kiss her came vividly out of thin air he realized he should have expected for Cas to be a good kisser. Still, he just never thought Cas would take command of the situation so easily. And he had liked it.
It was not like he was shocked to have liked it, he knew himself as bisexual since the days at Stanford, and although it was true his more important relationships had been with women he also felt attracted to men sometimes. That had been the true reason behind asking Castiel for a kiss, to tick it off the bucket list of things to do before he died… again.
And it was not like he was infatuated with Cas, I mean, he used to be, years ago. But so many things had happened that there was no time for him to catch up with his feelings towards Cas so in the end Cas had become just a friend. And yeah, he would take a bullet for him anyday but so would Dean and that didn’t mean he was suddenly pining for his friend. Specially not after finding out how good of a kisser he actually was.
-Sam?
-Yeah?
-You’re not listening to me.
-S—sure, what? No I… I’m listening… Now.
Cas looked Sam in an accusatory manner but didn’t say a thing about it.
-I said you must really like acting like a guinea pig for asking to get my grace inside of you.
Sam smirked
-I thought you liked guinea pigs.
-You’re not a guinea pig Sam. You’re my friend.
Yeah, that was the problem right there, wasn’t it? Sam had opened his own Pandora’s box when he proposed the deal to Cas and now was starting to regret it.
-But if you were one, you would be a very soft guinea pig.
Sam just let out that dorky smile he always gave Cas when he said something specially nice and funny.
-Well you can pet me if you want. I promise I won’t bite.
He had just said it as a jest so he was a bit surprised when he felt the other man’s hand on his head, softly caressing his hair. It was such a gentle touch that Sam couldn’t but lean over for it while it lasted. Both men had awkward soft smiles on their faces by the time they arrived to town.
Sam was aware he had said it was ok. But after the fiftieth time he crashed into Gabriel shamelessly snogging with his brother in any of the public spaces of the bunker, he realized things were not gonna go as smooth as planned.
First things first, it was so weird to look at his brother act like a teenager that just discovered sex. He had tried his best to understand that considering the fact that, indeed, he had just discovered it with men; Dean was definitely allowed to get some slack on the excitement department but there had to be a limit to that, right?
And the second was that because of that, dynamics in the bunker were unstable. Laundry day had been rescheduled twice now and Dean had left once with Baby and Gabriel supposedly to get some food and hadn’t shown up the rest of the day, by the time Sam noticed all stores were closed and he had to wait until the next day to eat something. A month later he was still reminding Dean about it whenever he saw the pantry going down.
And this, among other petty things, was the reason he was just staring angrily at his laptop screen.
-What’s wrong Sam?
The hunter looked up to meet the seraph’s deep blue gaze fixed on him.
-Sigh, there’s way too many things in my mind right now. I mean, how is it possible that as soon as Dean goes bi he and Gabriel are just going at it like rabbits?
-You’re angry because Dean found a partner in Gabriel?
-No! …yes? It’s… it’s complicated. I think that I’m a bit jealous, I mean, when you live our kind of lives having someone to settle down with is hard because of all the dangers but having an archangel as partner makes things so much easier.
Castiel sat by his side. -Well it might be easier for Dean, but not for Gabriel when Dean dies.
Sam rustled awkwardly. -I’m sorry Cas, I… it never occurred to me that you will keep on living long after we’re gone. -Castiel just gave Sam a soft smile. -Do you ever think about what you’ll do when that happens?
Castiel turned his gaze down a moment -I try to be in the present and make the most out of my time with you right now. Also Jack will be there so I’ll no longer feel that alone.
-That’s really good to know.
An odd silence filled the room between them until Sam turned to look at Cas once more. He looked small and tired and sad so he did the only thing he knew that comforted him when that happened.
-Come here man.
Just like any time skinship was involved, the hug was awkwardly accepted by Cas at first but today it had been a little different. He leaned forward a tad bit more and Sam literally felt like he was trying to hide inside his arms. Sam felt a sudden rush of guilt knowing that he was making his friend feel like this.
-Hey, uhm, let’s go out tomorrow and do something together, I desperately need to get some air from all the snogging those two are doing.
-I’d really like to do that.
The next day found Sam and Cas strolling along the road of the bunker on the way to town, Dean had taken Gabriel out with Baby without even saying a thing.
-What is it Sam?
-I… I’m frustrated. I mean, Dean gave an explanation and everything but I really can’t believe that only a bit of grace could change a soul so much.
-It was there for quite some time, and Gabriel wanted to be with your brother.
-So what you mean is that if Gabriel had not been infatuated with Dean, his grace wouldn’t have affected him?
-Most probably. Yes
-Are you sure about it?
-I couldn’t tell Sam, I’m not the one who stuck their grace on your brother.
They walked for a couple minutes more, a soft wind caressing their faces.
-Maybe we should test it.
Castiel turned to look at Sam for a second. -I don’t think that’s a good idea, Dean and Gabriel…
-I’m not saying I’ll ask Gabriel to kiss me.
Castiel dropped a weary sight on the hunter, who was smirking.
-I mean, grace is still grace, no matter the angel, right?
-Well yes, but—
-So I don’t have to kiss Gabriel at all.
Sam finally stopped their tracks standing in front of Cas. After a look into Sam’s eyes, Castiel’s own gaze lit up in understanding.
-Sam, I honestly don’t think this is a good idea.
-Come on Cas, kiss me, leave some of your grace on me for a while, we’ve got nothing to lose.
-I still don’t understand why you want to do this.
-Because it’s interesting and I wanna see what happens and no one will die because of it. I mean we gotta do this you know, for science.
Cas fumbled for a second, looking away from the hunter, searching for a way to avoid this awkward situation without finding it. Eventually he hung up his shoulders in defeat with a sigh.
-Alright then.
My fic has finally reached 1000 hits at the archive! And I’ll be celebrating by making a second part now focused on Sastiel! (~‾▿‾)~♡
Okay well the gif is not related to the story but who doesn’t love to see these two hugging each other?
Despite the fact that Sam and Cas had left pretty early for a day off, Dean had already been awake and having coffee. Gabriel entered the kitchen seconds after Sam left.
-Penny for your thoughts?
-I… I can’t do this Gabriel. I can’t sneak behind Sam with you.
-Yeeeeah I kinda noticed after you kicked me out of your bedroom before I was able to even take your shirt off. Hey, don’t look at me like that, you totally did.
The archangel sat casually on the stool by the hunter, extending his hand over Dean’s arm.
-Look, I’m definitely not the best source for sibling advice -Dean chuckled- but maybe you should say things upfront. I mean, you know my position here, well, more than one by now. Bottom line is, exciting as making out inside the broom closet is, Sam is smart. The kid will eventually find out if he hasn’t already and I’m not sure you want him to call on you about us that way.
Dean just shifted a bit.
-Anyway, considering that he’s not here right now, why don’t we christen up your bed?
The hunter just turned to look at the archangel with a reprobatory look.
-Dude, Sam literally just left the place, can’t you give it a couple more minutes?
No, he definitely couldn’t. Gabriel exchanged his place on the stool to a far more comfortable one between Dean’s legs and surrounded his neck with his arms. Dean leaned towards the archangel to catch his lips and forgetting everything about the coffee he had been holding he thrived on the archangel’s touch. Gabriel began to rub himself consciously against Dean, enticing the hunter’s senses, building up a slow but sure heat between both of them.
Dean’s hands brushed the archangel’s soft hair but when Gabriel went down to bite his neck he pulled his hair gently to get his attention. -Hey… Don’t leave any marks.
Gabriel stared at him with a predating look. -Why?
Dean knew he was screwed, he didn’t want Sam to realize what they were doing and that would make it an issue with Gabriel. He was a guy that boasted about the things he loved, so he obviously wanted to make a fuss about being with Dean, specially if that meant Dean was going to have a couple of hickeys as proof. Gabriel also understood Dean’s silence and decided he wouldn’t give a fuck about it at all. Before the hunter could stop him, Gabriel already had his lips surrounding an area of his neck. Holding him tight with his hands. It was time he showed his own possessiveness as well. All Dean could do was breathe in hard and close his lips tight, drowning a soft moan. After feeling the harshness with which Gabriel was sucking his neck he knew there was not going to be a way to hide things anymore when Sam arrived. He might as well enjoy the rest of the ride and buckle up for the outcome.
-Let’s go back to my bed.
-Best words I’ve heard from those lips today.
The grocer’s market was a good half an hour away from the bunker but looking at Castiel’s eager sight was totally worth the ride. He already looked a lot less stressed and the soft air coming through the open windows of the car gave that Saturday morning a feeling of joyful content Sam hadn’t felt in a long time.
Once at the market, he went around the stands buying vegetables and fruit while sending monitoring looks at Cas, who was animatedly chatting with a beekeeper at the end of the yard.
When he finished with the shopping he went towards them. The beekeeper was showing the seraph the trays where bees kept their honey.
-Looks like you’re ready to start your own beehive.
Castiel beamed back to Sam, a bag with two pots of different coloured honey already in his hands.
-Sam! Did you know? Beehives like these can last decades if well cared.
Castiel quickly introduced Sam to Sarah, the beekeeper. They had some more small talk before Sam excused himself and Castiel.
-I want to get these eggs back home before the heat gets them.
-Oh Sure! Please do! -she turned back to Castiel -I really hope you can come to the tour, you’re gonna love the lavender fields… And people say they always make a nice background for dating couples. -she gave the both of them a knowing wink before moving on to another patron.
Once back in the road Sam suddenly snickered.
-What?
-Nothing, I just thought Dean will be pleased to know he’s no longer the only one I’m paired with as a couple by strangers.
-Do you mind it?
-Of course not.
A moment of silence filled the car.
-Even if I’m not Gabriel?
Sam began to snicker at the angel’s inquiry but it only took him one glance at Castiel to see how serious the question actually was.
-Cas?
Castiel realized his own bluntness, went into silent panic and turned away from Sam.
-Forgive me, I should not… I’m sorry. Nevermind.
-…ok.
The rest of the road went silent. Sam’s head had become a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions while his hands stayed on the wheel.
When they arrived home their hands grazed while making a go for the groceries. Castiel immediately pulled his away in a rush. That was the moment Sam made his choice. He went to get the seraph in his grasp.
-Wait.
Castiel looked troubled but obliged. He fixed his sight on the hunter, afraid of what he was about to say. Sam on the other hand felt his assertiveness falter when the shining blue of Castiel’s eyes made him forget half of what he had hoped to say to the angel at least once if he ever had the guts or the chance, whichever came first. The silent moment stretched longer than what both men could stand. Sam had to say something, anything.
-I’dnevermindthatyou’renotGabriel.
-…I’m sorry Sam, can you say that again?
Sam’s face went red, did he really have to say it again? One glance at the seraph made him realize that yes. He had to say it again. He sighed deeply to catch up with his thoughts for a second.
-I said that I’d never mind you’re not Gabriel. Because you’re you, Cas, and I’ve known you for so long that I… Well, I’d never hope for you to be like Gabriel at all.
Castiel’s eyes looked sideways with a defeated look.
-Oh… uh… thanks.
-It’s not like that! -Castiel turned back again towards Sam. -I… ah… shit.
Sam finally let go of Castiel’s hand and went to grab his face between both of his hands, leaning over him closing his eyes while meeting his slightly parted lips, trembling. What if he was making a mistake? What if he had misunderstood Castiel’s actions? He might be making a fool of himself for as much as he knew.
After the first tortuous seconds where Cas was completely still, Sam finally felt his friend’s hands lift up onto his chest and upwards, pressing fingers against the fabric of his henley. When Castiel got a hold of his neck, he pulled Sam closer, while opening his lips a bit more. Sam, suddenly caressed in such a way, felt how certain parts of himself had begun to awake but tried to keep them at bay. Both men taking turns to venture into their boundaries. Sam was holding Cas close and tight. If he ever went to heaven by the time of his death, this would definitely be one of the memories he’d recall there. The seraph’s lips a little rougher than what he expected but he didn’t care, it was so much better to feel than what he could ever imagine.
The kiss was long and profound, there were too many years of catching up to do. Too many pecks to recover from each moment they had leaned on one another, pulling each other’s lips gently for each an every time they had supported each other. Their hands caressing and holding each other’s bodies tight for each and every time they had to hold back their own impulses in fear of being turned away.
There was no doubt for Sam now that he was able to feel Castiel’s fingers tightly in his grasp, this was the only way things could have ever been.
-Say, Cas… Will you stay by my side forever?
-I would have even if you hadn’t ask me to, Sam Winchester.
Sam just giggled like a fool, falling into the depths of Castiel’s revering gaze and went back to kiss him again.
The way to town was annoyingly silent, Dean had the music off. He wasn’t hiding how upset he actually was.
-Honestly Dean, things were going so smooth with your brother, you should at least have the decency of telling me why you cockblocked us.
That was it. Dean moved the car away from the road and stopped.
-Dammit Gabriel you cannot be seriously asking me that!
-Well I deserve some answers, don’t I!?
-If you’re so desperate for answers then go on and read my mind you stupid feathered ass!
-I don’t want to read your mind! I want you to tell me what you want to say! I told you ages ago what I thought about intruding like that!
Dean slammed his hand against the wheel in a fit of rage and frowned while leaning over it. Gabriel knew perfectly well it would be the easiest thing to do as Dean asked and get into the hunter’s mind right now but he knew better. He knew that if there was still any type of trust between them it would be utterly lost if he chose the easy way.
Dean took a deep breath and faced the archangel once more after what seemed a long internal struggle.
-Sam, he… he doesn’t just want to have you as a booty call. He’s got a crush on you.
-I know.
Silence filled the car numbing Dean like static. He was staring blankly at the archangel, all the words he was about to say stuck in his throat.
-I’ve known ever since I helped you get away from Lucifer’s grasp at the pagan reunion.
-Wh… Why…?
-Why? Why I never said a thing? Why I never made a move before? I probably would have if all your brother wanted was a one night stand but he wanted something more, something deeper. I can’t give him that.
-I thought that now that you were here with us…
-What? That it was gonna be a matter of time? Is that why you have been trying your best to hate me? To push me away from you? To force me into your brother’s arms? -Gabriel left out a sardonic, bitter laughter that made Dean wince inside. -Well don’t I feel like an idiot. It’s so obvious now why you were never happy by my side.
Dean reached for the archangel’s arm and held it tight, he had the feeling that if Gabriel left now they wouldn’t be able to find him ever again. Gabriel turned to look at the hunter but Dean was holding his gaze down. He didn’t understand why it was this hard to say such simple words.
-I just wanted to make him happy. Sammy, he, he deserves to be happy. -Dean’s voice came rougher than intended. -Whenever we were out having fun I couldn’t help feeling like I was doing wrong.
Gabriel was truly frustrated now, specially because he got it. He understood Dean being adamant against him settling in the bunker knowing his brother had a crush on him. He understood being pushed aside in an attempt of forcing him towards Sam after having to allow him in. Was there something more worthy of being talked about by now? At this point, he just wanted to run away, he was more than ready to leave this stupid hunter behind even if that broke his heart. Dean’s grip on him got rougher, it was like he was the one able to read the archangel’s thoughts.
-But when I saw you taking Sam out that first time I…-Dean was trembling now.
Everything suddenly looked clear for Gabriel now. He leaned towards Dean and reached for his head to tilt it upwards, to force Dean to look at him. Dean tried to fight it but the moment he finally gave in and noticed how close the archangel was he knew there was no going back.
Dean pulled Gabriel towards him and clashed his mouth with the archangel. Gabriel reached towards him, pressing himself more, holding Dean close. Desperate to feel him he opened his mouth inviting the hunter. Dean went in, locking his arms around the archangel, kissing him like this was the only time he’d be allowed to have this and he’d lose it forever afterwards.
Time went by, Dean was the first to move away, but not too much. He was high on Gabriel’s touch and taste. Both of them with messed up hair and heavy breathing, turned on and showing it through the fabric of their jeans. Their gazes travelled through each other’s features until they met once more.
-Let’s go somewhere private, I can snap a salad for Sam.
-I don’t think… -Dean’s retort was shut by Gabriel’s mouth. Admittedly, the angel’s hands pressing his sides and slowly going upwards his chest was more than what he could stand. He sighed and made way to get back on the road after separating himself from Gabriel, trying to remember where the closest motel was.
The place was the least of the issues, Gabriel snapped the interior into a luxurious suite filled with soft light, dark woods and smooth silk bed sheets once they were inside the place. They somehow managed to go across the room while kissing and fumbling with each other’s clothes and were already worked up more than enough by the time they landed over the soft and inviting bedding.
Dean was pressing the archangel against the mattress, adorning his neck with soft bites from the crevasse at the start of his neck all the way up to his ear, where he licked it softly, letting his breath fall upon the wet surface, making the archangel’s skin tremble with anticipation. Listening to Gabriel’s fast breathing urged Dean to prove the archangel’s skin sensitivity more. To think that he was actually able to be there, doing this with him was something he hadn’t expected but Dean was desperate to make the most out of it. He kissed Gabriel roughly while the archangel surrounded his waist with his legs, positioning himself in such a luring way that the hunter couldn’t help but press onto his invitation.
He lined himself against Gabriel, using his hand to keep the angle but stopped before entering.
-Don’t worry Dean-o, you’re not gonna hurt me.
Dean doubtfully glanced at the archangel, his amber colored eyes were glowing unnaturally, showing everything but fear. He was desperate for Dean to penetrate him and if the hunter didn’t make his mind soon he was going to take the matter on his own hands. It wasn’t necessary, the flash of lust Dean caught in the deepest part of Gabriel’s eyes were incentive enough for the hunter to thrust slow and firmly all the way in.
The soft moans of pleasure Gabriel let out while he surrounded the hunter with strong warm muscles were making Dean lose his head, it felt beyond good, he had never had another man or woman that felt like this before. He was suddenly overrun by the raw desire of owning Gabriel in every single possible way, making him his and not allow anyone else enjoy him. Dean began to thrust fast against Gabriel’s ass, instilling the angel to breathe faster while pronouncing Dean’s name in a soft contented whisper.
-Fuck, I want you Gabe. I want you to be mine. Say you’ll be mine.
Gabriel was about to open his mouth and say something before Dean began to thrust hard and mercilessly against Gabriel’s ass, making him shoot his head back in a moan with the sudden force. He screamed Dean’s name and pressing his nails against the hunter’s back, all the time begging for more. Pearls of sweat forming through their skin, it wouldn’t take long before Dean gave in but he wanted Gabriel to remember him even after he was done. One of Gabriel’s hand locked itself on the lower part of Dean’s neck for stability while the other went to grab his own dick and jack it off.
-Let it out Dean, we’ll do it together.
Gabriel used his muscles to squeeze Dean tight, sending shivers through the spine of the hunter. He felt the spasm of the climax and moaned hard, faltering Gabriel’s name through his strained vocal cords while his cock pulsed strings of cum inside the archangel. Gabriel followed soon letting out a restrained gasp while he covered himself in his own release.
An instant later, Dean fell by the archangel’s side still unable to pace his breathing, drops of sweat making their way down his sides, chilling him up a bit. Both went up into the bed to fall properly on the pillows.
-Never thought you’d be the possessive kind of guy.
Dean’s neck turned red in a rush.
-Yeah I… – He stopped mid-sentence. What was he going to say? “I’m sorry”? The problem here was that he wasn’t, he wasn’t sorry at all. He regretted saying those words now that the big brother part reminded him Gabriel was supposed to be Sam’s but he still wanted him. He wanted Gabriel so bad.
Gabriel turned Dean’s face towards him. He could see Dean’s internal struggle, it wasn’t like he was trying to hide it at all.
-Still thinking that I should go to Sam?
Dean shuffled uncomfortably.
-I want to be yours.
-You’re not saying it just because I fucked you like this?
-Well, it’s always a bonus if you fuck me like this.
The archangel smiled gently and closed the gap between their mouths, this time there was no rush and the kiss was gentle and caring. Gabriel wanted to show Dean how big of a mistake it would be if he tried to keep pushing him towards Sam when it was obviously not his own intention to go towards the younger brother.
—
Sam’s salad was amazing, it had been waiting for him at the kitchen counter under a glass dome and tasted like all the cobb salads he ever had before were just pale imitations of the real thing, the one he had in front of him right now. Still, there was no sight of Gabriel or Dean.
By the way things had gone before they left the bunker this was either excellent or terrible news. He just hoped for the first one.
He took a sip of his beer, absentmindedly looking at nothing, trying to figure out what had happened between them. He knew that Gabriel had been constantly trying to make Dean happy and that his brother was just not biting in, suspicious of him. Things had been going kind of like that for months. If it hadn’t been for the day Gabe took him out to the Smithsonian and began to sleep with him…
Sam’s eyes flared up with understanding. It was so obvious he didn’t get why he had overlooked it for so long. It was true they never really talked about that kind of stuff, not since Lisa anyways and probably his own infatuation with Gabriel might have been one of the reasons Dean didn’t bring it up at all. Sam was conflicted trying to find a solution, he wanted Dean to be happy but in order for that to happen he’d have to give up on Gabriel. Still, considering how things had been, there was a small voice inside of him wondering if he honestly thought having Gabriel by his side was what he really wanted.
-Sam?
-Hey Cas. What’s up?
-I saw you quite distracted, wondered if something was wrong.
-What? No, no, it’s alright I… Actually, uhm, can I ask you something about Gabriel?
-…If it’s something I can answer.
-Do you think he… Do you know if he has ever dated a human before?
Cas stilled. -I thought you were already dating him.
Sam’s ears turned out a blush of pink. -It’s not… I mean, are angels and archangels allowed to date humans?
Cas was looking a bit stern, even by his own standards. -There have been many cases where angels take humans as partners even with the initial rejection of the host. But even against odds the real problems come when nephilim are born, like in Jack’s case.
-So as long as there are no nephilim involved…
-Gabriel shouldn’t have to be prosecuted on that issue. He still wouldn’t considering the position he’s in, taking care of Heaven.
Sam just nodded -Thanks Cas
-Sure I… I’m always here if you need me.
Sam looked at the seraph turn away, not before noticing a soft tremor in the deep sapphire blue of his eyes and felt something was not entirely right but he couldn’t pin it down. For a couple of weeks now Sam had seen Cas turning his gaze away after Sam caught him in the act of staring at him and it was starting to bother the hunter.
-Cas?
The angel turned back at him with a small flutter escaping his sight. All the hunter did was motion his head to a chair for the seraph to go and sit by his side.
-What is it?
-I don’t understand your question.
-You’re troubled by something. And before you say anything against it let me remind you we’ve known each other for years now, don’t think Dean’s the only one able to tell your mood swings.
Castiel was clearly shocked by this piece of information. He blushed immediately after understanding what this probably meant and stumbled his words.
-Nothing, it’s nothing. I don’t…
The seraph faltered while looking straight at Sam’s eyes, he couldn’t just say blatant lies, not to Sam anyways. But not even he understood what was really going on with himself. He turned his gaze down and away from the hunter the way that had been upsetting Sam so much.
Sam just sighed. -Ok look, I know I’m not Dean but you could at least try to trust me a bit more.
-No Sam, it’s not… I’m sorry I… I just don’t know what the problem is myself.
-Hey, it’s alright, if nothing I can listen.
Sam hand surrounded Cas in a comforting motion. The moments both men allowed themselves to be physically close to each other had been scarce throughout the years and Cas lent without hesitation on the hunter’s warm touch. Sam felt the urge in Castiel’s movement and held him closer. There was something obviously wrong, Cas never used to actively seek physical attention.
-Seriously Cas, what’s wrong?
Castiel turned to look at him, probably to give him an answer but he was close enough that Sam would have been able to kiss him if he only went a couple of inches forward. After a moment of silent staring where Sam could’ve sworn his heart stammered, both men awkwardly turned away.
-It’s ok, I’ll figure it out somehow.
The sudden steeling of the angel’s voice threw Sam off a little bit. It didn’t feel right to let his friend go like that. Despite Cas’s soft tug asking to be let out from Sam’s hold he didn’t budge.
-Say, you wanna come with me to the grocer’s market tomorrow?
Castiel turned again, an expression of inquiry as to why the invitation arised.
-There are beekeepers coming, they’ve been bringing all their supplies and showing people how to take care of bees. Been doing that the whole season. We can even buy some honey.
-I’ll go.
Sam just smirked, of course he would come. He finally released the seraph not without feeling slightly guilty for pulling the bee card on him.
Sam waited for his brother until midnight, once he heard Baby coming into the garage he went to receive them. Gabriel acknowledged him like usual but Dean looked kind of unsettled about seeing his brother there.
-Sammy.
-Hey, can I get the car tomorrow? I wanna go to the grocer’s market.
Dean eyed his brother, fighting an internal struggle.
-You’ll take care of her, will ya? -Sam just bitchfaced him. -Ok then, but don’t pass her through the mud or I’ll make you clean it all with a toothbrush.
Dean threw Sam the keys, who caught them mid-air sighing.
The following day Sam came up at the kitchen to find a set of smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels sided with a citrus salad and freshly squeezed orange juice. Man, did Gabriel know how to deliver. He definitely had to apologize to him for leaving him stranded like that the day before. But most of all he needed to talk to him, despite acting so calm and accepting his invitation Sam was sure Gabriel held feelings for his brother. If they kept doing whatever it was they did things wouldn’t end well.
-Mornin’
Dean came in to get his morning cup of coffee. Sam nodded at him, with a mouthful of bagel. None of them said a thing about the day before. It was one of those things that would be conveniently forgotten by both brothers if they could have a say on it. That didn’t stop Dean from eyeing his brother’s plate.
-Wow Sammy, you went all the way today huh?
Sam stopped for a second to look at his brother. He was about to say something but Castiel entered the kitchen.
-Mornin’ Cas. -The angel just nodded.
-I think I found a case four states away.
-Great! Let’s finish breakfast and get ready for a smiting.
Sam went back to his room after finishing his breakfast.
-Have you ever disappeared under Dean’s sight before a case?
-I don’t know what you’re thinking about but please don’t do it.
Gabriel laughed heartily while accommodating the pillow he was laying over. -Just wondering, not planning a thing. Unless you wanted me to. -He gave Sam a sly smile that made his insides squirm.
-Maybe we should wait until we come back for that.
Before Gabriel could comment something else on the matter, Sam finished preparing his stuff and excused himself to the archangel. Dean was impressed with how fast Sam had readied up and ushered everyone on the car.
-Wait, what about Gabriel?
-What about him?
-He’s not coming with us?
-Said he had things to do.
Sam immediately realized something was wrong but decided to let it slide. He still didn’t know how to confront either about the situation or what it was really about.
The road was smooth, they stood by a motel at midnight and Dean took out their stuff while Sam asked for a double room, olympically ignoring the nuanced look the manager gave him after noticing the other two men.
Thus three weeks passed, after dealing with a wraith and a shapeshifter they went further away following the lead of some odd disappearances. Gabriel had not shown his face again after his fight with Dean but still breakfast appeared for the brothers everywhere they went.
After doing the usual visit to the police department, victims families and a couple of possible suspects, next day they followed the monster up to a ghost town three miles away. It was a lot of ground to cover, having to break into every single house after hiding the Impala in a barn on the outskirts of the town. They eventually had to go separate ways if they wished to have something done by the end of the day.
Sam was exploring the east side of the town when he saw someone entering the tiny church half a block away from the dusty window of the second floor of the house he was at the moment. Certain it hadn’t been Dean nor Cas, he quickly stepped away from the place he was in and swiftly walked towards the church, gun in hand, careful to cover himself from the windows view with each tree or piece of shrubbery he could.
He tried the back door but was eventually forced to use the front, the one the figure originally used. Opening the creaking door Sam finally made it into the building. So much for stealth, he silently cursed to himself. Making sure no one was inside the chapel, he walked over towards the next room, located by the pulpit. The light was dim, curtains covering all light from outside, he reached for the light switch with no response from it. Figures.
Sam was a couple of steps into the room when he heard a rustle at the farthest part of it. He tried to act fast lifting up his gun against whatever was there but was caught in the middle of the maneuver. He and the creature struggled for the lead until it threw Sam against the corner of a bookcase, making him lose part of his breath and grunt in pain for a second too long. Before he could regain composure the creature had readied a heavy object and knocked him out.
This was even worse than a déja vu.
Sam entered the room of the apartment he used to live in with Jess and fell to rest on the comfy bed he had thought to have forgotten everything about. Suddenly, a warm liquid began to drop on his face. He knew what he was going to see when he opened his eyes. He didn’t want to open them at all but he still couldn’t help himself, he was forced to live time and again every single bad experience that had happened to many of his loved ones, forced to shoot a gun against Madison, to watch Dean’s guts torn apart by an invisible dog, to see Castiel’s body stabbed by Lucifer… and this sixth time apparently wasn’t going to be an exception.
He had prayed alright, to Cas and Gabriel and he had screamed Dean’s name until his vocal chords had gone rough. He had tried to run away from the ever repeating scenes only to open a door or go through a window into the same scene once more.
This was a nightmare and he wasn’t sure how to run away from it.
To his surprise, this time the movement within the nightmare slowly froze. Nothing was happening but he could definitely tell he was being led out of the loop. If he only could awake he would be able to end it. He was trying to think of a way to regain consciousness when he started to hear a muffled voice calling to him. Sam, Sam… He knew that voice, but wherever from? It was getting clearer, along with a sensation of calmness, telling him everything was going to be alright.
-Sam!
Two hands were holding his head up, bold whiskey staring at him through dark rings, worried.
-…Gabriel? -The archangel in front of him gave a sigh of relief- Where am I?
His arms were numb from holding all his weight, only god knew how long he had been hanging in that filthy warehouse. Hopefully not long enough, it seemed his brother hadn’t found him yet.
Gabriel helped him down. The monster, something Sam could now recognize as a dark djinn was cleanly impaled and immobile on the floor a couple of feet away.
-I’m sorry, came as soon as I realized I was hearing your prayers, maybe something in that dreamworld djinn’s use distorts the communication.
Before Sam could even react, Gabriel had already healed the bruises from the wrists. A second later Dean was screaming for him somewhere close. -Over here! – Sam called back.
It had been like giving Gabriel an exit cue, a second later he had disappeared without a word. Dean entered the room running, gun in hand and followed closely by Castiel. He lowered his defense when he saw the dead djinn on the floor and went running towards his brother to hug him.
-Dammit Sammy I thought the monster had taken you, found your phone on the church. I’m glad that you fought it off. Are you hurt?
-…I’m alright.
-Good, let’s burn this bastard and go home.
The way home had been more quiet than other times. Sam was drifting away, not paying attention to anything. Something was bothering him about Gabriel and Dean’s behaviour. It was definitely not normal for the archangel not to boast about the fact that he had saved Sam and not having enough with that, he had seen to kill the monster not by snapping him to oblivion or burning him inside out but in the only way a human could have done so.
When they finally got home and Dean thanked him for leaving him the cup of coffee on his room that he had found right after he came out of the bath he knew something was definitely off.
-Gabriel, can I talk to you?
-Sure thing Poptart, what’s up?
-Yeah maybe, somewhere more uh, private? Can you come to my room?
Gabriel glanced Sam suspiciously but left his milkshake and followed him away from the kitchen. Once they were inside his bedroom, Sam went for the chair, knowing that even if he had stayed in front of the door he couldn’t keep the archangel in, it was better to be kind on his approach.
-Ok, what’s wrong? -He asked softly
-What’s wrong about what?
-You and Dean. What happened between the both of you?
Gabriel admired Sam for many things, his brightness included but right now he kind of dreaded it.
-What makes you think somethin—
-Don’t play fool with me Gabriel. You’ve been avoiding Dean, is it about what happened in the library the other day?
The archangel sighed and sat on Sam’s bed. -Yeah, that and a couple other things…
Sam could tell there were not just ‘a couple’ of things bothering the archangel but he also realized he was not going to be able to peel off all the layers. Still, he had to try.
-Well, you can tell me.
-…I’ve been trying to get on his good side ever since I came here but all I managed is to get him more upset.
Unless Gabriel was an incredibly good actor, Sam could tell he was sincerely bummed. Before he knew it, Sam was already moving himself to his side on the bed and placing a caring hand on his shoulder.
-Hey, it’s alright. I mean, Dean is really stubborn but I’m sure you’ll get on his good side sooner than what you think.
Gabriel smiled softly at the hunter and leaned towards him.
-Thanks Sammy, you really are kind.
They were interrupted by a stiff knock at the door that opened up before either could even react.
-Hey Sammy, I’m going for a burger, want some?
Dean’s words were casual but after glancing the archangel leaning over his brother his gaze went grim.
-Uhm, a cobb salad would be nice.
-On it. -His body forced a stop before closing the door. -Gabriel. Don’t you wanna come along?
Sam felt Gabriel’s body imperceptibly stiffen under Dean’s authoritative sight. It was the same stern sight Sam used to get from his father when he was forced into doing something he wasn’t willing to do.
-Sure. Why not? -Was all the archangel said before standing up and following Dean’s steps. -See you later Sammich.
The door was closed on Sam, leaving him with an ominous feel. Things were far worse than what he originally thought between them.
-Cas?
The seraph turned from his book to look at Sam entering the library.
-Do you know what’s going on with Dean and Gabriel?
-I believe Dean is, how do you say it? Making things rough for Gabriel to stay with us.
-And… How do you feel about it?
Castiel went silent for a minute before speaking again. -I like my brother, I wish he’d be able to stay with us if everything could be settled nicely.
-You mean if only Dean were happy about it.
-If all of us were happy about it.
-Still Dean didn’t respond well to Gabriel taking him out everywhere.
-That’s why I gave him the idea of taking you out instead.
-Wait, you were the one that gave him the idea?
Castiel nodded.
-Why?
-Gabriel wants to make your brother happy and I thought he would be able to do that by bringing a smile on you.
Sam went blank for a second.
-Why would you do that?
Cas fixed his gaze on the floor, his action made Sam regret his choice of words and then a flash of realization hit him.
-Wait a second. The vegan cooking, the quinoa salad, the salmon bagel, today’s eggs benedict… I’ve told you thousands of times about it. -Cas just looked away nervously. -And I also told you ages ago about the Smithsonian Museum… It was you. You told Gabriel all about it.
Cas was decidedly avoiding Sam’s gaze right now.
-But I don’t get it, why did you ask your brother to do all that stuff with me if you already knew about it ages ago?
-I don’t think I’m fit to provide you with any fun, my brother is much better at spotting social cues.
Sam couldn’t bear it any more. Looking at Cas so down was aching, before he realized it he was pulling the angel up and closing the gap between each other with a hug. The book falling with a soft thud to the floor.
-You’re an idiot Cas, if you wanted to know how to have fun with me you should have just asked.
-You’re not mad at me?
-Why would I? You meant well.
-I… I see. -Cas awkwardly made a go to hug the hunter back, just as he had been taught by Sam himself years ago. -Thank you Sam.
Sam chuckled -You can hug tighter, I’m not breaking so easily.
Castiel did as Sam asked, he hugged him as tight as he felt he would be allowed to, inhaling the scent of soft worn out clean cotton emanating from the hunter’s flannel. It had never occurred to him that he would ever feel this odd ache where being so close to Sam made everything hurt more. He didn’t want to separate from him ever again and knowing he would eventually have to see him hugging Gabriel like that was only adding fuel to the fire.
He had never felt this kind of loss, even when Dean had said yes to Michael he had felt lost and terribly sad but still a tiny piece of hope struggled to believe that they would have a chance to save him. But there was no saving here, no one was in danger. And Sam would never want to be by his side.
Sam violently snapped the dust away from the book he was holding with the piece of cloth. No matter how thorough he was it seemed like the library always had a space where a good dusting was necessary and he was taking profit of that right now to vent off his anger.
-Sam?
-Hey Cas, what’s up?
-…Are you alright?
Sam was about to give a casual nod but paused a moment and sighed. -No I’m not.
-What happened?
-Nothing Cas, that’s the problem, nothing’s happened.
The seraph obviously didn’t understand what Sam was talking about, he doubted about elaborating with Cas as confident but he was desperate to let go of his pent up frustration. He leaned against the bookcase sighing, unable to lift his gaze in the middle of his frustration.
-You see I -sigh- well, I like Gabriel a lot. And yeah the sex was great and everything but I’d really like to have something more with him and I’m not sure how he feels about me or if he actually feels something for me apart from the obvious sexual attraction.
Sam waited for the angel to say something back while pressing his fingers on his temple in frustration but when the silence became too dense he turned his head towards Castiel. In any other moment he would have laughed at the seraph’s reaction but considering the issue he was discussing he felt rather restless because Castiel looked just as shocked as a deer in front of headlights.
-You are… having sex with Gabriel?
Oh crap, Gabriel and Cas were brothers. How could he actually have forgotten that? Completely embarrassed, Sam immediately went close and held Castiel’s shoulders between his hands.
-Shit Cas I’m so sorry! This is so awkward. Please promise me you’ll forget what I just said.
Castiel fixed his blue eyes in Sam’s, his face a clear mirror of the turmoil inside.
-Please.
All the seraph could do was nod before separating himself from the hunter. He made his way back to his room. Or at least that was the idea. He was stopped by a strong hand in the middle of the bedroom hallway.
-Dude, you alright? -Castiel just turned and tried to fix his sight on Dean. The hunter immediately knew something was definitely not right. -Wow, man, calm down. What the hell happened?
Castiel opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. Even he didn’t understand why he was behaving like that. He felt himself faltering and made a hold on Dean’s shirt, hiding his face on his chest. When Dean felt the seraph’s trembling hands he hugged him hard.
-It’s alright, Cas, I’m here. We’re here.
Dean lead the seraph into his room and made him sit on the bed while he went to fetch some beers from the kitchen as fast as he could, ignoring Gabriel’s inquiry of where was he heading to with a quick ‘Not now’. Once back at the room, he placed one on Castiel’s hand and began to drink his own, reclining over his bookcase.
-So?
-…so?
-What happened?
Castiel just frowned. The more he thought about it the more it bothered him.
-You were right.
Dean just stayed where he was. He knew well how to give Cas his time.
-Gabriel already… -Cas gulped as well as he could with his dry mouth -He and Sam…
Dean tensed up. He knew sooner or later this time would come and he thought he would be ready for it but he was overwhelmed by the feeling of having your guts clenched up tight beneath the skin. He didn’t want to listen anymore but there was something more pressing in front of him. Something he had suspected for years now but never got enough proof about.
-And how do you feel about it?
Castiel turned towards Dean. Deep blue filled with sadness inside.
-…. I should be happy about.
-But you’re not.
-I don’t understand why. I thought that looking at him happy would be enough. But right now I feel like, like…
-Like everything’s falling upon you and you just want to run away?
How Dean managed to put into words his own feelings and thoughts was something Castiel would never understand. The same way that just a gaze between them sometimes became an entire conversation. Still, there was no feelings towards him the way he had for Sam.
Many times after his experience as a human being he wondered about it. Maybe this connection means more, maybe this is what real love was about. But a glance at Sam’s eyes and soul and a grace from his hand over his shoulder sent shivers upon his body that Dean’s fraternal touch, close as it was, never did. Been turned into a human had been the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to him.
-I don’t know Cas, maybe you should fight for it. -Castiel turned his head towards Dean. Obviously asking what was the fight for. -Yeah, fight for Sam. You know the phrase, all is fair in love and war.
-I don’t think I…
Dean took a soft but deep breath to cut off his friend’s rant.
-Look Cas, all I know is that you’ve been in love with Sam for a long ass time and never did a thing about it. And this is your last chance. When Sam makes a choice it’s really hard to make him change his mind so if you really want to fight for him it’s now or never. Yeah and don’t give me that look, it’s pretty obvious to me. So go on and fight for me, sorry, fight for him.
Castiel just glanced at Dean, it was pretty easy to say that when you were not in the pinch he was. Sam would be happy with Gabriel, he was conversational and fun and everything Cas was not. Despite everything that had happened with him before the Apocalypse, Sam didn’t seem to hold a grudge against the archangel anymore so what was the point? It was better to just do the best to bury those feelings away.
After Castiel left, Sam couldn’t help but feel worse about everything. It had been a huge blunder to talk about himself having sex with his brother and it had been obvious it was a very delicate matter to Cas. But why? He had never showed any kind of issue talking about stuff other people would find embarrassing before.
It seemed like everything started going haywire ever since he involved himself with Gabriel.
-You called?
Sam jumped startled. -Dude! Don’t scare me like that!
-Gabriel just sent him a blank stare. -Well, considering how much you’re thinking about me right now I’d be more scared if I hadn’t showed up.
-I wasn’t… Ok I was but it’s not like I was praying for you.
-Still close enough for me to listen… So what now? Ready for another heavenly experience?
-What? No! uh… -Sam let out a dejected sigh. -I mean you’re good at bed.
-Naturally.
-But I’d like to have something more.
-…Meaning?
-Like a relationship.
-Oh.
-Which by your face I assume you don’t.
-Yyyyeah sorry kiddo. I don’t see you that way.
Sam just sighed and nodded. He had known it already but it never felt good to hear it. And then blurted what had been in his mind.
-But you do see Dean that way.
Gabriel choked on
-Huh!? Dear me no! No no no no no no no no! I mean yeah your brother’s hot and all but there’s just no… Nnnnnope. Nope. Not. Nuh uh. Just… no.
Sam just nodded in approval. -Right, ok…
-Yep…
-So… You free right now?
Gabriel turned on his malicious look. -Right here?
Sam sat over the edge of the table, he wasn’t really sure what was moving him at that moment.
-Sure, why not?
Gabriel went towards Sam. It didn’t feel right. The cards had been placed on the table and he didn’t have to worry about Sam getting the wrong impression but still there was something tugging him inside that he was desperately trying to push back.
That something was precisely the reason why he was pressing himself towards Sam’s lips. He didn’t want to feel it. He didn’t want to acknowledge or accept it at all because the moment he did he would be utterly lost.
Two Days Into June 